Is it possible that I am my own hero? I look back at the faith I had as a toddler/preschooler facing surgery after surgery, casts, braces, crutches and pain. It could be the worst of days yet you could still hear me singing ‘This is the day that the Lord has made’. I didn’t fully understand what was going on, or what my parents were fighting and praying so hard for, only that that was my life, and that the Lord promised to be with me and to heal me. That was enough for me and I was joyful throughout. And He never let me down…some roads I had to walk through, some he delivered me from but He never let me down. Somewhere in growing up I’ve gotten lost in the heartache and pain of the world. I’ve been disenfranchised and lost the sweetest parts of who God made me to be. I stare at this road that lies ahead of me, still in disbelief that I’m here. Breast Cancer? Really? Me? But in the whirlwinds of emotions during the last two weeks since diagnosis I am brought back to what I learned as a child…God is God and He is worthy of our faith and trust and devotion no matter what…and that nothing can happen to us against His will. So in total surrender I lay myself down for Him and His works. The doctors say Mastectomy, Chemo, Radiation, Hair Loss, Exhaustion, and feeling Sick are all what lies ahead. And while these things frighten me, I rest in Him knowing that nothing will happen to me unless God wills it…and if He wills it, He will be glorified through it. So if my being bald will glorify my Lord and King…I will say “may my Lord be Praised” and will take a razor to my head. I am His servant. My body is His. He may use me in whatever way will bring Him glory…I no longer have pride in anything but Him and His works! And somehow I think in this I’ve found that little girl I used to be that I’ve missed so very much!
Is it possible that I am my own hero? I look back at the faith I had as a toddler/preschooler facing surgery after surgery, casts, braces, crutches and pain. It could be the worst of days yet you could still hear me singing ‘This is the day that the Lord has made’. I didn’t fully understand what was going on, or what my parents were fighting and praying so hard for, only that that was my life, and that the Lord promised to be with me and to heal me. That was enough for me and I was joyful throughout. And He never let me down…some roads I had to walk through, some he delivered me from but He never let me down. Somewhere in growing up I’ve gotten lost in the heartache and pain of the world. I’ve been disenfranchised and lost the sweetest parts of who God made me to be. I stare at this road that lies ahead of me, still in disbelief that I’m here. Breast Cancer? Really? Me? But in the whirlwinds of emotions during the last two weeks since diagnosis I am brought back to what I learned as a child…God is God and He is worthy of our faith and trust and devotion no matter what…and that nothing can happen to us against His will. So in total surrender I lay myself down for Him and His works. The doctors say Mastectomy, Chemo, Radiation, Hair Loss, Exhaustion, and feeling Sick are all what lies ahead. And while these things frighten me, I rest in Him knowing that nothing will happen to me unless God wills it…and if He wills it, He will be glorified through it. So if my being bald will glorify my Lord and King…I will say “may my Lord be Praised” and will take a razor to my head. I am His servant. My body is His. He may use me in whatever way will bring Him glory…I no longer have pride in anything but Him and His works! And somehow I think in this I’ve found that little girl I used to be that I’ve missed so very much!
No comments:
Post a Comment