September 3, 2009

Tuesday was the moment of truth for me...I had a PET/CT Scan to look for cancer cells in my body, head to toe! I wrestled with the anxiety and fears that have been my constant companions the last month and a half as I faced my third scan in a years time. I tried to bribe the tech to give me my results right then but he wouldn't give in and I had to wait until yesterday afternoon to talk with my doctors office. The good news is that the areas I was concerned about and having symptoms (bone aches in my wrist and elbow) was clean and clear! The non-conclusive news is that there was a lymphnode in/by my nose that showed up reactive. My doctor figured it was just a runny nose and so she wasn't worried about it. But I don't have a runny nose...so I'm still waiting to see if she wants to do any more tests. She said that this is not a common area where they see recurrence and not to worry but that we'd keep an eye on it. Dorian being the jokester that he is, and obviously a little bitter about the medical communities approach of treating cancer by cutting stuff off, asked if it was cancer if they'd have to cut my nose off too. I asked him if he'd love me anyway and he said yes...so we're okay either way now. But I was a little discouraged that the scan wasn't 100% clean...I thought thats what I needed to reclaim my peace of mind. But tests don't bring peace...only the Lord can. So I'm continuing to push into him...For he who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord 'He is my refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust'.