Monday September 8th, 2008

In the month or so before my diagnosis, I read the C.S. Lewis book series Chronicles of Naria. I know that they are suppose to be children’s books but Lewis, being the brilliant author that he was, captivated me as I read one book after another and fell deeper and deeper into the series. Each book seemed to unlock my mind and heart more and more towards the character of Christ, through the books character Aslan. In one book that has been particularly on mind today...The Silver Chair...Aslan calls Jill Pole and Eustace Scrubb out of their world and into Narnia because he has a job for them to do. At first Jill questions Aslan and says that he must be mistaken because it was they who had asked in the name of Aslan to come to Narnia. Aslan's response to her was "No one calls on me, who I wasn't first calling". After a little more discourse he told Pole the reason he'd called them. The task he wants them to complete. And it was no easy task, many narnians died trying to complete the very task that he was giving them. And he told them that they would remain in Narnia until their task was completed or they died trying. That struck in my heart when I read it...that he didn't call them for the task and then guarantee their lives in return. But as they looked into Aslans eyes they saw him, the saw his love for them, his power and his righteousness and although they were only children they were compelled to do anything he asked, until the task was completed or they died trying. At different times in the book they were confronted with failure, disappointment, certain death, and were up against army's that outnumbered them 100,000's to 1. But each time they were faced with giving up, running away, or death itself they would raise their swords or bows and charge head first, shouting and fighting in the name of Aslan. At the time I read this book it just awed me and I thought wow, if only we'd all live that way for Christ...raise our swords and battle through the tasks He'd given us shouting His name. Then came the cancer diagnosis and maybe it's because I'd just finished reading this series but all I could think of was that this is the task He's called me to right now. I raised my sword (of the spirit) and charged into battling the cancer shouting the name of our Lord, determined to win this for Him and His glory. The last two Chemo treatments have really exhausted me to the point where honestly my sword has been dragging on the ground and I haven't been able to find the strength to get out of bed let alone pick up my sword and fight. I cried all weekend this past weekend every time I thought about having to go in for another Chemo treatment on Monday morning. But somewhere between the prayers at home group on Sunday night and the treatment room on Monday morning I felt my strength being renewed with every breath that I took. I felt Him whispering into my soul His love, His encouragement, to let me know He'd enabled me to fight this and that He'd be the strength I needed to pick my sword back up and charge into this battle, this 5th Chemo treatment. And so with sword raised high...through fatigue and nausea, hot flashes and hair loss, loss of appetite and loss of memory, I do this for Him. I fight this for Him who called me...for His glory!

Ha Ha Ha...I finally talked Dorian into bringing me a burger and fries (it only took 3 treatments)Thanks Baby!!!