3rd Chemo Treatment - August 11th

Today we hit the halfway point in my Chemo treatment, exciting as that is knowing that everything from here on out is down hill, strangely I found myself angry. As I looked around the treatment room everyone else was easily 30 years my senior. My being there just wasn't "right". I was surprised by the emotion because I really haven't been angry or upset since the first week or so after diagnosis. But there I was, walking into the treatment area and all I wanted to do was stamp my feet, throw a fit, and turn around and walk right back out the door. I mean after all how on earth can "I" be sick...how can "I" have cancer. I eat right, I exercise, I do everything right (anyone notice how many I's were in those statements...I'd taken my eyes off the mark). Then just as quickly as the anger had swept over me the Lord reminded me of Psalms 145:13-14 "The LORD is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made. The Lord upholds those who fall down and lifts up all who are bowed down." I immediately felt His peace and grace surround me anew as I bowed my heart before Him and resubmitted to His will. I don't have all the answers as to why I'm here right now, but I am certain that He has not abandoned me and that He is working this out for good. He always keeps His promises and He is so very good...I have nothing to be angry about. So with that moment passed I settled in for treatment. Everything went smooth. All of my blood levels were great...thanks so much for all your prayers about my platelet levels, they're back up to normal! And the cancer continues to respond to treatment. I'm more tired after this treatment than others...but I was more tired going into it as well. My hair is just about gone and with today's treatment I expect the rest to be gone within the next couple of days...I'm still holding out hope for my eye brows and eye lashes but we'll see. The kids have handled my bald head very well. Christlyn's first comment to me was "Oh! Well you don't embarras me at all". Then a few days later she said that I was still just as beautiful as before. Ethan hasn't really come up with any cute comments, but his indifference to my bald head speaks volumes, as my hair loss had been a huge fear of his and had upset him greatly when we talked about it happening. Best of all, I'm okay with it. I think the hardest part of the hair loss was waiting for it and worrying what it would be like. Now that my hair is gone and the worrying is over everything is great, I'm not at all embarrased or ashamed of my bald head and I don't grieve my hair. The only reason I wear a hat, scarf, or wig in public is really for everyone else...at home I don't usually wear anything on my head. And the amount of time I save getting ready every day is amazing! Mom stopped by treatment today and took a couple of pictures of me, one of the nurses offered to take a picture of both of us but she declined because she was "having a bad hair day" I laughed and told her that was not a good excuse in my presence. I think she felt awful for her slip of tongue but don't worry mom I'm okay and it was actually really funny! All in all things are going well. I am blessed to have a such a faithful and loving husband who has been by my side constantly. When I'm sad he makes me laugh, when I cry he holds me tight, when I'm sick and exhausted and unable to do much of anything he steps in and steps up and runs the house and kids like a pro. He spends countless hours holding my hand or rubbing my feet during chemo and always knows just what to say to keep my spirits raised. He's not afraid to buzz my head...although I think he's just happy he's not the one in the family with the least hair anymore...LOL. And he's made countless trips to the drug store at all hours of the night for whatever I need. All this without complaining and with such an attitude of love towards me and the kids. Best of all...he still thinks I'm beautiful...bald head and all...and I can see in his eyes that he means it. Like I said I am so very blessed. So with three treatments down and only three more to go this is what I've learned so far...the Lord is faithful and His ways are perfect. I can't even begin to write about his goodness and peace that I am constantly surrounded by; and even joy in this difficult journey. He is more than enough for whatever we face in life...and he will give each of us what we need daily if we will just abide in Him. Thank you for your continued prayers and support....we love you.