Introducing the Future Dr. Berglind - October 10th

For the last few weeks Ethan has been telling me that he wants to be a doctor when he grows up. I think he's leaning towards being a thoracic surgeon because he always says the reason he wants to be a doctor is so he can listen to hearts. When he came up to visit mommy in the hospital Friday evening I asked the nurse if he could listen to my heart with her stethoscope. She was wonderful in explaining everything to him and helping him with them. The way Ethan's eyes beamed as he listened to my heart was priceless...I think he's hooked for sure now. He also listened to my tummy growl. He got a kick out of how noisy it was!!!

Surgery - Oct. 10th

My Triathlon continued yesterday with the second of my three treatment regimens for the Breast Cancer I've been battling...SURGERY! Chemo wasn't fun at all...but a mastectomy can be just plain terrifying. Yet in the midst of it all, God is still faithful and loving towards all He has made! Yesterday instead of being afraid I felt such peace and security in His arms. I woke up singing the words to a song I hear on the radio all the time; they were...'this is all part of His glorious design Hallelujah, Hallelujah...Holy, our God, You are worthy of all our praise'. The song brought such comfort to me, I couldn't help but sing praises to my King as I prepped for surgery. I don't know why I'm here, why I've walked this road, I may never know why...but I'm convinced it's part of his Glorious (yes...GLORIOUS) design for me to be right here, right now. He is big enough and good enough to be able to take this experience and use it for His good and His glory. That has been my prayer throughout...for God to be glorified through this! My family surrounded me yesterday with such love and support. Liz flew in from Bonneyville to help take care of the kids while I'm in the hospital and recouping at home. Kathryn came in from Wichita, and Mom, Dad, and Jennifer all took the day off work to sit with me before and after surgery. The surgery was in the afternoon so I was hungry most of the day...luckily visiting and goofing off with my sisters helped the time and the hunger pass by quickly.

I had to wear a very goofy hat into surgery which none of us could quite figure out. Since I don't have any hair was the hat really necessary? It's not like it was keeping my hair out of my face, or keeping it out of the surgery area, or even keeping it clean from surgery mess. But the nurses insisted I wear it so I donned the goofy hat with a grin...if I can pull off being balled I can pull off the goofy hat!

My surgeon was wonderful, as I was being put under she held my hand and prayed for me. I felt so safe and secure knowing that God was guiding her hands. Surgery went well, but I was in a lot of pain when I woke up. Last night was rough, and I don't remember too much of it because I was heavily drugged. But I did open my eyes every once in a while to add my two cents worth into the conversation between the party of people in my room (it was up to 8 at one point). And even drugged I had enough wits about me to tease the orderlies who wheeled me from recovery to my room...when we arrived at my room they asked me my name and birthdate...I of course made up a fake name and the look on those poor mens faces was worth it...we all had a good laugh! Today the pain has been minimal. I've taken a couple of pain pills here and there but am doing much better than yesterday. God is so faithful, and I have no doubt that he's been with me every step of the way. I can't help but praise Him!

IT'S OVER!!! - Sept. 22

I DID IT!!! I made it through the last Chemo treatment!!! I know the hardest part is the days following...but I can't help but sing and shout praises to God for bringing me through today! When I woke up this morning everything started going wrong. The kids were bouncing off the walls and wouldn't get ready for school. Their ride to school cancelled. Jadon was throwing up. And because he was sick I couldn't take him to the sitter. I spent the morning trying to find someone who could watch a sick baby but ended up not finding anyone so Dorian had to stay home to take care of him. I fell to pieces in Dorian's arms this morning saying through tears that the finish line for this race must be at the top of a mountain with 6ft hurtles every other step, during a blizzard, and I had altitude sickness, and there was an avalanche covering the rest of the course. He just held me as I cried and reminded me of God's faithfulness. For the first time I had to go to treatment alone...but it turned out to be great. All the nurses were so excited for me and couldn't help but tell all the other patients that it was my last treatment so everyone was cheering for me, clapping for me, and shaking me hand all day long. A friend who is in treatment herself stopped by to give me a little gift and card. Mom stopped by around lunch time with Subway. And at the end of the day all the nurses and staff gathered around and sang to me and presented me with a gift and an award! I can't help but have a skip in my step...even if I'm walking slow...I made it! I'm done! God is so good! He never left me, He was with me every step of the way, and He never gave me anything I couldn't handle. Even though there have been things I thought I couldn't handle He has been my strength during my time of weakness.

Race for the Cure - September 20th, 2008

Breast Cancer or not, I have a hard time believing that anyone could have a dry eye at their first encounter with Race for the Cure. I on the other hand, being in the middle of treatment, was glad for the cover my sunglasses lent me as I cried like a baby most of the morning. Mom and I arrived just as the first few 'Timed 5K' runners were nearing the finish line. Seeing them run with such determination and purpose as hundreds of people cheered and encouraged them to finish strong was inspiring. Then little by little the crowd of runners began to thicken and I was shocked at the sheer number of people running the race. As I looked down the road there was a sea of runners as far as I could see. I didn't know a single one of them and they didn't know me, but I couldn't help but feel like they were running with me against this disease that I'm battling. And in their own way cheering me on to a strong finish just as the spectators were cheering them on. As the timed race drew to an end we met up with the ladies from church who were preparing for the next 5k race. And since seeing people I didn't know run a race had made me cry, you can only imagine the tears I was fighting back as I saw women I did know gather together and pin my picture on their backs to walk/run a race for ME! I couldn't help but be taken back to the first few moments after my Doctor called to tell me I had Breast Cancer. I was shocked, my head was spinning, and it felt like I couldn't breathe...but I pulled myself up off the floor and went outside to pray. I began to jog around the block and cry out to God. It was almost as if God was crying with me because it began to gently rain on me. And as the rain fell on me I began to feel His peace and I felt in my heart of hearts the scripture Hebrews 12:1-3

" 1Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."

I felt from the very beginning that my cancer was part of the race He'd marked out for me life. And while it's not a race I would have signed up to run, I was determined to not only run, but win the cancer race for His glory. Seeing my friends and sisters in the faith come together to run/walk The Race for the Cure in support of me has given me that little extra boost I needed to finish strong. My perseverence had been waivering with the exhaustion I'd been feeling but now I'm refocusing my eyes on Christ as I prepare for Chemo on Monday and for surgery in October. He is my prize! And He is worth it!

Thank you ladies of Christian Chapel for your love and support over these last 3 months. And for Racing for me today...I love you all dearly!

Oh, and for those of you who participated in "Cookies for the Cure" (my sister's bake sale during her garage sale on Sept. 20)...she raised around $220 to help with our medical bills. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! I'm overwhelmed with your love and kindness! I wish I had some pictures to share with you but I wasn't there to take any. Hopefully Jen snapped a few shots and I can get them from her and post them later.

Monday September 8th, 2008

In the month or so before my diagnosis, I read the C.S. Lewis book series Chronicles of Naria. I know that they are suppose to be children’s books but Lewis, being the brilliant author that he was, captivated me as I read one book after another and fell deeper and deeper into the series. Each book seemed to unlock my mind and heart more and more towards the character of Christ, through the books character Aslan. In one book that has been particularly on mind today...The Silver Chair...Aslan calls Jill Pole and Eustace Scrubb out of their world and into Narnia because he has a job for them to do. At first Jill questions Aslan and says that he must be mistaken because it was they who had asked in the name of Aslan to come to Narnia. Aslan's response to her was "No one calls on me, who I wasn't first calling". After a little more discourse he told Pole the reason he'd called them. The task he wants them to complete. And it was no easy task, many narnians died trying to complete the very task that he was giving them. And he told them that they would remain in Narnia until their task was completed or they died trying. That struck in my heart when I read it...that he didn't call them for the task and then guarantee their lives in return. But as they looked into Aslans eyes they saw him, the saw his love for them, his power and his righteousness and although they were only children they were compelled to do anything he asked, until the task was completed or they died trying. At different times in the book they were confronted with failure, disappointment, certain death, and were up against army's that outnumbered them 100,000's to 1. But each time they were faced with giving up, running away, or death itself they would raise their swords or bows and charge head first, shouting and fighting in the name of Aslan. At the time I read this book it just awed me and I thought wow, if only we'd all live that way for Christ...raise our swords and battle through the tasks He'd given us shouting His name. Then came the cancer diagnosis and maybe it's because I'd just finished reading this series but all I could think of was that this is the task He's called me to right now. I raised my sword (of the spirit) and charged into battling the cancer shouting the name of our Lord, determined to win this for Him and His glory. The last two Chemo treatments have really exhausted me to the point where honestly my sword has been dragging on the ground and I haven't been able to find the strength to get out of bed let alone pick up my sword and fight. I cried all weekend this past weekend every time I thought about having to go in for another Chemo treatment on Monday morning. But somewhere between the prayers at home group on Sunday night and the treatment room on Monday morning I felt my strength being renewed with every breath that I took. I felt Him whispering into my soul His love, His encouragement, to let me know He'd enabled me to fight this and that He'd be the strength I needed to pick my sword back up and charge into this battle, this 5th Chemo treatment. And so with sword raised high...through fatigue and nausea, hot flashes and hair loss, loss of appetite and loss of memory, I do this for Him. I fight this for Him who called me...for His glory!

Ha Ha Ha...I finally talked Dorian into bringing me a burger and fries (it only took 3 treatments)Thanks Baby!!!